She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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