I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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