Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
