whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
