Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
