I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
