y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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