new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize