I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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