In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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