just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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