Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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