how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
