It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
