i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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