You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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