Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
