"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
