it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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