I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
