Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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