Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
