Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
