Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
