so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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