would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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