Come see our sink grown plant.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think i got beer on your cat.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
