so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
