im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
