I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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