Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
