Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
