You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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