so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
