you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
