Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
