i already hear my dad disowning me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
