I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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