He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
