I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
