and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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