When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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