I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
