If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
