I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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