Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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