Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Semen is not good for contacts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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