I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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