can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
