can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
