I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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