My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
