Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
