oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
