Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
