Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
