At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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