the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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