JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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