Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You don't make any sense
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