reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
