i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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