haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
