Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Two words: blizzard sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
