I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
