Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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