Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
